The Smart vs Brave Experiment
aka: an endless piece that starts with my MOST SURREAL experience (Part 3)
Chronicle
“Part 2” (Part 3 Backwards)
Report
Part 3
The Case of Brave vs Smart & Internal vs External Success
So…since we’ve set up both my alternate timeline and my reality timeline, we land back in ***May 2024***:
My alternate self was planning on moving to DC still since he had loaded up the deck not just from Peet’s+Zachary’s, but from the meteoric rise the smoothie guidebook seemed to have (as well as being a health influencer on IG). Meeting Kathy was such the flip he needed with those two also becoming SUCH a dynamite and power couple with their complementary features: she had that performative, outgoing nature while he was the magnetic hidden extrovert. Not only that, but both had been in serious transition for around the same amount of time and looking for some level of internal fulfillment.
With Kathy, she had accrued LOTS and lots of money from being in theater at such a young age and had the help of her manager until age 13. Her approach to life remained until she decided to move from New York to the Bay Area once she was 18 and left theater for extensive time off at age 24. She and I met when she was 24 and right before I turned 23, for reference. As such, she still had plenty of savings and money overall since being a SUPER talented actress and having global opportunities—for a stretch of time—paid very well, and my smoothie guidebook was popping off. In other words, we could do “anything” we wanted, and we knew we wanted to find our proper home, for once since neither of us had ever felt “at home” in our entire lives.
My reality self was feeling insulted by everyone who was suggesting/lightly pushing him towards getting into the workforce—hell, even his entrepreneurial mentors were hoping for him to get back into the workforce. As such, he took the minuscule financial boosts from his birthday and his surrogate grandparents to go outside instead of just walking around in the area of the townhome (where, at the time, he lived with his mother-in-law, father, and sister-in-law). He did go to Coit Tower in SF—as he sometimes did before going into work at CPK+Zachary’s—to continue the internal soul work amidst his attempts to ascend in the creator economy.
NOW…in spite of being around people who were a net drain on my energy—my mother-in-law and father, in this case—I think this period was key because I talked with a career advisor after my mother-in-law heard one of my outbursts about this world’s neglect towards Neurodivergent individuals. So…the career advisor I talked with was VERY helpful with getting my gears turning, but I didn’t exactly figure out the proper path just yet.
As I reflect on the great contrast of June ’23-through-January ’25 timelines, a few things stick out to me:
My reality self’s internal clarity/external chaos vs my alternate self’s external clarity/internal chaos
The unified Drowning amongst both individuals (with one of them masked)
The lessons to take from each timeline
It’s easy for one to call the alternate path a success since my alternate self got jump started into the film industry while the other is still Sinking as of August 31st, 2025. Also…it’s not *entirely* implausible to suggest the alternate self would’ve thrown himself off the Golden Gate Bridge at any time between today and this past February.
Anyway, top 5 moments for my alternate self and my reality self:
Alternate Self
5. The Pre-Monk Mode Discussion
This little convo I had with my mother and my surrogate uncle resembles the one that took place 9-10 months later in my reality self’s timeline. It’s notable mostly for the fact that I had found out the true nature of my origins AND…preceded my monk mode grind at Peet’s and Zachary’s. I didn’t know it at the time, but this discussion was possibly the biggest eye-opener of my life. On a subconscious level, it caused me to be more distant with everyone.
4. Finally Applying to Film School
I had already been accepted two years prior—easy match for the fire of my film industry venture burning bright and loud. No matter what internal clarity was missing, it was my beginning of making the name “Jack West” stick.
3. The Day of Dropping Equipment
Things like this had occurred at CPK, but this morning at Peet’s signified both that I was losing touch with myself since my creativity was a far cry away from me by this point and that these meltdowns are one more mismanaged moment from dropping equipment turning to throwing equipment. It was around a month before I put in my month notice at both there and Zachary’s, but…time stopped in the worst way possible here.
2. THE Mental Episode
Out of nowhere. August 2nd. I had started crawling in my skin. I already had a dream that had me trapped somewhere that I’d JUST woken up on, but I was biking along a trail in Emeryville AND…I nearly hit something. My brain just switched to thinking I was an imposter. What made it weird is I had asked to be a part of the film industry for the past three years.
1. Meeting Kathy
Easy. Not just her being a dynamite lady and us being that complementary pair, but how much both of our lives changed over ONE morning at Redwood. One random morning. I have a feeling this pair didn’t or won’t end up lasting, but…both of their lives are forever changed.
Reality Self
5. Blue Bottle
I was walking by University Ave on Berkeley when I received the call—I was ecstatic. HOLY FUCK. This is significant because I feel as though a part of myself was reawakened here. It was crazy. I do not regret the time I spent at Blue Bottle, even though it did NOT help my autistic burnout (predictably).
4. Meeting Levi
We connected on a social network and it led to meeting important entrepreneurial mentors as well as pivotal mindset shifts. I stopped being so jaded with my approach and realized just how much everyone around me had been holding me back my entire life.
3. The Coyote Scare
Flirting with suicide .25 years after my alternate self did—DEFINITELY not the first time—and thinking so much about how my existence was pointless and my parents should’ve never been together (before I found out the complete extent 1.5-ish weeks later). And then…a coyote comes within my vicinity on the other side of the fence.
2. My Surrogate Aunt’s Legendary Words
The fact that these words I cannot remember for the life of me still stick with me AND came after such a convo about the straitjacketed system…the universe was winking at me in spite of pitting me in the wrong home environment. That’s purely what it was because all I remember is my response: “Never.”
1. Rain Walk Across Montreal
7 miles in the rain. Carrying all my luggage. Running on malnutrition. 4 hours. I can look back on this and think about how fun it was walking across the city and how my rain suit came through. It was SICK. Absolutely sick. I remember having lots of apples and cayenne pepper once I got back to the Bay for all that inflammation.
And there you have it. The side-by-side differences between one decision change.
Chronicle
“Part 3” (Part 2)
In either case…
If you enjoyed this piece, here’s the full version as a PDF (it looks better that way for formatting reasons): buymeacoffee.com/jackserafwest/e/453011
I’m not trying to bait you into donating btw—the PDF is free and [the full paper] really DOES look more efficient in PDF form.
BUT IF YOU WANT…
here’s the direct link to my tip jar :) —
